Meditations

Am I Enough?

teacup-583x437My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. ~Psalm 73:26

The LORD is the portion of mine inheritance and of my cup: thou maintainest my lot. ~Psalm 16:5

Thou art my portion, O LORD: I have said that I would keep thy words. ~Psalm119:57

The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. ~Lamentations 3:24

“Thou art my portion.” Throughout the old testament, and especially in the Psalms, we see this phrase. It means that God Himself is our treasure, our prize, our inheritance. It means that He’s the answer to every question. The means to every end. The supply for every need. He’s taken His very own heart and presented it to each and every one of us. Because He’s the completing puzzle piece; because He is love.

I’ve been struggling a lot lately. At school, it seems like all my friends have started dating, or will start dating soon. Sometimes it seems like my friends are all too busy with the friends they made last year to really spend any time with me. Sometimes it seems like I’m by myself. Most girls my age have had at least one boyfriend… and I’ve never even been on a date. Girls my age can ditch the cares of life and have a little fun, but I feel the pressure of responsibility and stress. And I wonder “what’s wrong with me?” Then I read the Psalms as my devotions, and the words keep repeating themselves: “Thou art my portion”. It was as if God kept asking me, “Am I enough for you? Am I enough?” I kept dodging the question. “Am I enough? Lovest thou Me?” Finally, I had to answer Him; I had to say, “No, Lord. You’re not.”

It was a terrible thing to have to admit. But it began a growing process. I realized that God wasn’t enough for me because I wasn’t letting Him be enough! It’s going to be a slow process; but I decided that I don’t want to try to fill that hole in my heart with other people. I want to put God there! He gave me His heart, and all He really wants in return is mine; is that really so much for the Savior to ask? He wants me to come to Him completely emptied of all the junk I’ve been stuffing into that void so that He can fill it up until it starts overflowing.

I will love thee, O LORD, my strength. ~Psalm 18:1

The Lord has been challenging me the last couple of weeks to let Him be my all in all. And as I hand over parts of my life that I had been grasping, I feel so much more freedom. There’s so much joy! I want to share this challenge. Is God enough for you? Are you allowing Him to be?

4 thoughts on “Am I Enough?

  1. Thank you for sharing. It’s a beautiful thing to be so honest and vulnerable…. With yourself and God. When He fills those voids everything looks different. Thanks for the challenge. It’s a nice reminder to check myself and my worldly worries 🙂

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